How to Cope with Death in Nursing: Grieving, Healing, and Seeking Help

• As a nurse, losing a patient can be emotionally tolling.
• Although everyone grieves differently, there are many proven methods to help you learn how to cope with death.
• If you are struggling with the death of a patient, remember that it is okay to seek help.

You are in the nursing profession to provide care for others.  

It is a natural response for it be physically and emotionally tolling when you’ve lost a patient, and as you know, the chances of it happening to you are incredibly high. 

According to Stanford University’s Home Hospice: Home Care of the Dying Patient,” roughly 60% of Americans die in acute care hospital facilities.  

So, if you are a new nurse beginning your first hospital job, please understand that you are most likely going to have to experience loss at least once throughout your nursing career; and if you’re a seasoned professional, I am sure you know what I’m talking about here.  

Patient death could come as something that the family and care team were expecting, or it could be a complete surprise. In some cases, it’s peaceful, and other times, unfortunately, it’s not.

Whatever the situation may be, it doesn’t make the fact of losing your patient any more or less difficult no matter how experienced you are in the field.  

As nurses, learning how to cope with death effectively is a challenge that we face day in and day out; so how do we do it? 

There isn’t a crash course on losing your patient, and there aren’t set instructions on how to compassionately communicate with family members as they watch their loved one slip away.

 This experience can be heartbreaking for not only the family, but the healthcare team as well.

So again, as nurses, learning how to cope with death is an ongoing battle that they often don’t teach you in school. 

How Can Nurses Cope with the Death of a Patient?

A trusted leader for quality healthcare, Scripps Health, outlines several methods that can better help you learn how to cope with death, especially in the nursing profession. Check them out: 

1. Take care of your body 
2. Stay connected with loved ones 
3. Check in with colleagues 
4. Take brief mindfulness breaks 
5. Notice your self-talk 
6. Focus on one patient at a time 

I remember the loss of every patient I cared for; however, there is one that is very vivid to me.  

At the time, it was a girl who was my age. 

It was terrible watching her family cope with the unimaginable, and it was the hardest shift I ever experienced in my nursing career; I remember feeling numb when I left that evening.  

At home, I sat in the shower, curled up in a ball, shaking and crying, not knowing how to process what had just happened.  

Thoughts filled my head like, ‘that could have been me.’  

I had been fortunate enough throughout my life to never lose anyone close to me, and although I didn’t know this patient, her loss has stayed with me since that day seven years ago.  

This experience left left a mark on me. 

When To Seek Help

Grief is a part of our human nature, and it is totally normal to feel for our patients who have passed. 

However, this feeling should be temporary. 

Independent, non-profit that provides mental health education, HelpGuide, outlines several symptoms of when professional help should be sought out if the grieving process persists. These include if you: 

1. Feel like life isn’t worth living. 
2. Blame yourself for the loss or failing to prevent it earlier.  
3. Feel numb or disconnected from others for more than a couple of weeks. 
4. Are having difficulty working and unable to perform normal daily tasks or activities.  

It is so important to care for your mental health after losing a patient.

Understand that it is okay to grieve, and it is okay to cry; this is what makes us human. 

It would be beneficial if your institution offered pastoral care or mental health support for staff members just like they do for families.  

On top of this, it would be helpful for facilities to offer communication training on how to converse and comfort patients and their families during the end-of-life stage or during unexpected, tragic moments. 

If you are struggling with figuring out how to cope with death in nursing, please check your facility’s counseling resources or contact your therapist. They know your important job can take a toll on your mental health, and they are here to help you. 

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